I went to buy you a flower before your service. I didn't want to go.
There would be praying and tears and talk of angels
and that's beautiful but I hate that.
But I went.
I had to buy you a flower to put in a vase with the others and tell a memory or story or good wishes for you.
So I went to Safeway. I shouldn't have put it off so long- only Safeway was open when I went searching.
The floral department was dirty and meager and the flowers left over were dismal. Dull colors and browned edges. I hated them all and they weren't good enough and I failed you again.
And I won't share a memory or anything like that because I can't even speak when I think of you.

And the days are not full enough

And the days are not full enough
And the nights are not full enough
And life slips by like a field mouse
Not shaking the grass.
--Ezra Pound